Ebilayefa Freda Imoniero

Ebi’s story

by Michaela Fortunato

I have been volunteering at Hammersley Homes since June 2022.   As an Outreach Volunteer, I offer support to people with enduring mental health challenges either through phone calls or text messages.   My clients struggle with aspects of everyday life we all take for granted and require ongoing support.   Hammersley Homes’ programme reduces isolation and loneliness by improving their clients’ relationships, and increasing their engagement with the community.   I am a mother of two beautiful children, and have always been empathetic towards people who struggle with their emotions.

Supporting a Homebound Client

One hazy Tuesday morning, I sat at my desk and dialled Annie’s phone number.

The breeze howled past my window, sending a flurry of crystalised flakes brushing against my neck.   Tugging tightly onto my scarf, I closed the window and took a deep breath.

Annie had been homebound for a long period of time.   She was terrified of going outdoors, because she associated all her negative experiences with being outside her house.   I knew it was too early for her to leave her home, so I asked if she had any friends who could visit her instead.

“All my friends left me”, I could hear her sniffing on the other side of the call. 

I encouraged her to contact her friends, explaining that if I were her friend, I might have left too, simply because it’s hard being around someone who’s always sad.   I gently pointed out, “it’s hard for friends to stay connected when they feel they can’t help.” 

Annie then sent her friends a text, wishing each of them a ‘Happy New’ and asking if they were okay.

It was two weeks later when Annie messaged me, saying how her friends had immediately responded to her, allowing her to mend the bonds which had once been severed.   A smile leaped across my face.   I was so proud of her.

As the saying goes, “You can take a horse to a river, but you can’t force him to drink the water.  When the horse is ready, he will drink from the river.”   Her willingness to change made it easier for her to apply my suggestions to her life.

Well into the summer, when I called Annie again, she told me she was hosting a barbecue party that evening for her friends.   “What?!”  I clasped my hand over my lips.   I couldn’t believe it.

Her garden tables were draped in cloths of rose and lavender as they cradled the simple ivory plates, awaiting the presence of her guests.   Bowls of potato-salad and cous-cous sat beside the dishes of sausages, and beef burgers, hiding in the fridge, all waiting in anticipation.   She was so excited, I could almost sense her skipping with joy on the other side.

Her friends arrived in shades of crimson and cerulean, of violet and damson, each carrying delicate dishes drizzled with streams of cream, flecked with lush strawberries.  Their laughter permeated through Annie’s garden like a sweet symphony as they drank their champagne and danced to the Jazz music emanating from Annie’s bluetooth speaker.

Annie was so pleased she had been able to reconnect with each of her friends.   To say the barbecue had been a success was an understatement.

I knew she was ready.   She had been going out with her family, no doubt, but there was one hurdle still left unmounted.

Clearing my throat, I spoke into the phone.   “Why don’t you try stepping outside by yourself?   Nothing is going to harm you.   Your son needs you to take him to school.   Your son needs you.”

Silence hovered between us, muffling the ‘tick-tock’ chime of the clock in the office.

“Okay.”   Annie’s sweet voice fluttered into my ears as I drew a deep sigh of relief.

The following day, as I was endlessly stirring my cup of coffee, my mobile buzzed with a text from Annie.   She had inscribed it all in her message.

On that first morning when Annie braved taking her son to school, her hair stood on edge.   Anxiety pricked up her spine as she and her son, Johnny, swayed to the motion of the rickety bus.   The trembling ceased as Johnny placed his dainty fingers on her hand.   A smile swept across her face as Annie planted a kiss on his forehead.   What would she do without him?  His eyes sparkled and shimmered like stars from the night sky.

Once they had arrived at their stop, Annie and Johnny made their way towards the school ahead.   Annie knelt down and wrapped her arms around her son.

“Now, be good.   I’ll pick you up later, okay?”   Her five year old pecked her on the cheek, before darting through the school doors.

Annie poked the corner of her eyes, before the tears could stream down her face.   She wouldn’t have been able to see him gleefully skip towards the school had it not been for Ebi, for Hammersley Homes.   It was because of their support that Annie felt less lonely and isolated as they had helped her revive both her relationships, and confidence.

Challenges and Lessons Learned

Annie and I have come so far as we have spoken over the years, alhough, it hasn’t always been this smooth.   The first day I called her, the phone was ringing, but there was no answer.   Perhaps she’s busy.   So, I tried again the next day.   Annie wouldn’t pick up the phone.   My fingers tapped against the keyboard on my screen as I sent Annie a text message, asking if she was alright.   Thoughts whirled within my mind of potential outcomes.   My phone rang, its ringtone vibrating against my palm, almost causing me to leap from my chair.   It was Annie.

“Annie, you okay?”  I forced a cheerful tone as I shoved the panic down my throat. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t speak today.  I’m too busy.”   I could hear Annie’s voice quivering slightly.

“If you are not in the mood or aren’t available, just let me know, and I shall reschedule.”  I calmly reassured her.

It did take a few days for Annie to recognise it was me phoning, for she hadn’t saved my number yet.   After a week or two, she adapted to the new routine of my weekly calls.   We have bonded more ever since as Annie tells me about all that has happened during her week and her son’s accomplishments at school.   I have never met Annie in person as we live far apart.   Hammersley Homes did try to organise for another volunteer to visit her, but she told them she was happy receiving my support over the phone.   Sometimes, we have long phone calls, while other times, our calls are short, depending on what she is doing and the errands she still needs to complete during the day.

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Through my volunteering, I’ve learned to be calm and patient, even when a client is upset or yelling at me.   Sometimes, the problems seem insurmountable to them, but I’ve learned to listen, taking things one day at a time and walking with them through their challenges at their own pace.

I’ve had clients who didn’t like my approach and chose not to continue speaking with me, which I respect.   Not everyone will respond well to my methods and that’s okay.   I understand not everyone is ready to change and sometimes people aren’t in the right place to receive the support I offer.

Despite these challenges, I know that my support makes a difference in the lives of those I work with.   Annie has now regained her confidence.   She’s lost weight through exercise, and has become more independent and courageous.   It took time, but she’s now a happier, more fulfilled person.   In the end, it’s about being there for our clients, offering them hope and helping them see the positive side of life.  Not everyone will be ready for change, but for those who are, the support we provide at Hammersley Homes can be life-altering.

The Importance of Positivity

I love passing positivity onto people like a fragrance dancing lightly from flower to flower; even after it has drifted away, its sweet scent still lingers on their petals.   One morning, as I drove to work, I increased the volume of my radio and danced to the music as I stopped at the traffic lights.  The driver on the opposite lane grinned and joined in the dance with me.   This is because, I find, happiness is contagious and therefore spreads to all those around me.   I choose happiness.   I choose to be happy, so that no matter what the day brings, it doesn’t get to me, because I already started my day well.

No matter how bad the situation is, we can all choose to smile.  We can all choose to be happy.

Each time I speak with my clients, I cheer them on – encouraging them that there is always a light at the end of every tunnel.   Many of them have been dealing with depression for years, so it takes a lot of patience and positivity to help them see that life can be better.   It’s not always easy, but I’ve learned that being patient and speaking positively into their lives can make a significant impact.

I knew one of my clients, Marianne, was struggling with depression.   So, I encouraged her to stick a sheet of paper on the wall beside her bed, shimmering with sweet affirmations of how she is beautiful, she is blessed, she is courageous.   In the early hours of the morning, Marianne would wake up to the words smiling and singing over her, boosting her self-confidence everyday.

“You are enough for yourself.  Believe in yourself.  Love yourself.”   I told her over the phone one day.

“Go to the mirror and tell your reflection that she is a beautiful girl.   She is a star.”

From then onwards, Marianne started loving herself, slowly building her self-assurance each day.

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Whenever I think about one of my clients, I immediately send them a text to see how they are doing.   They read everything and respond to the message with ‘big hugs’ etched in the text bubble.   They find that is the most important part of the conversation – it encourages them to know someone cares for them and is thinking of them at that moment.   Currently, I have a client, Sharen, who sees me as a friend she’s known all her life, which she wouldn’t have without Hammersley Homes.

I love to see my clients believing in themselves and communicating with their loved ones after not being able to do so for a long time.   I had a client, Kim, who struggled with her father.   They were not communicating with one another, therefore, I strongly urged her to rebuild her relationship with her father.   For family matters all the time.   Kim now enjoys bonding with him.   They go to the stadium to watch the football matches together every other weekend.   This is a result of Hammersley Homes’ strong support for her.

Volunteering at Hammersley Homes has also taught me to be very appreciative in life.   I’ve always been, but when you get to speak to people who are sad and struggle with daily living, you improve yourself to always be grateful.   I tell my kids they should be grateful their water is clean, because there is someone in another part of the world, drinking dirty water and smiling.   There are people who don’t even live in houses like we do, instead, they reside in shanty villages of steel, peering over the river.   So, when I speak to people who are sad and depressed over something, or are fearful of the unknown, I have learned to be more appreciative of what I have.

Some days, I ask myself, “How is the weather inside of me today?   Am I happy?   Is it sunny?   Is it windy?   Okay, if it’s windy, how do I get it to be sunny again?”   I always ensure my mental space is beautiful.

I also had a time when I was experiencing a lot of challenges.   But no-one knew I was going through those difficulties, because I was always smiling.   I chose to be positive.   I choose to be positive in every situation, because I know it’s not going to last.  It’s just for a short period of time.

One piece of advice I would give to future volunteers is to love what you do.   Be happy.   Say the right words to your clients.  You might not know which word is the right one, but if it is something you love doing, the right words will naturally flow out.   Be you.   Cheer your clients on.   Be patient, because some of the clients will, at times, want to rant about what’s going on in their lives.    Always listen actively to what they are saying, so they feel they are being heard.  Patience is key.

This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. Ebi Imoniero

    This was so beautiful to read . Always say the right words all the time.

  2. David George

    This is inspiring and believable. The writer is such a bundle of creativity, I loved how the story was made alive through every description, nuance and tone. The narrative made every action of Ebi reflect kindness, compassion, and these restores hope in humanity once more.

  3. Ramat

    This is beautiful

  4. Winifred

    This is so beautiful and reassuring. Thank you for making yourself available and bringing hope back to the hopeless.

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